Welcome, English Traveler
Greetings From Bishop Eli
Welcome to Amish Airways — the world's most humble airline. We are formerly Spirit Airlines, acquired in 2024 by Yoder Family Holdings LLC of Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, after Spirit's fourth bankruptcy in six years.
Bishop Eli Stoltzfus saw the deal on a non-electric notice board at the Intercourse Feed & Grain and said: "Well. Seems reasonable." The acquisition was completed in exchange for fourteen hogs, two quilts, and a very nice pie.
We kept everything that made Spirit great and removed everything that made Spirit Spirit.
What's New
Barn Rewards — Earn points on every flight. 10,000 pts = a free barn.
Shoofly Pie Service — All routes over 2 hours. Recipe not available to the English.
Rumspringa Class — Extra legroom, small reading light, one secular magazine (returned before landing).
Gift Shop Now Open — Official Amish Airways merchandise. Browse the collection →
Flight attendants will not answer to "flight attendant." Please say Schwester or Bruder.
Overhead bins replaced with pegs. Please hang thy belongings accordingly.
All pilots now wearing traditional black hats. Aviation headsets optional.
Fares & Fees
Base fare (all routes)$9
Checked bag$55
Carry-on bag$847
Seat selection$45
Breathing fee$12
*Base fare does not include anything.
Barn Rewards
500 ptsFree shoofly pie
2,500 ptsFree seat selection
10,000 ptsFree barn (unfinished)
50,000 ptsBishop names a calf after you
Current Destinations (God Willing)
All flights depart from Intercourse Municipal Airfield (NTWY) at 4:30 AM. Non-negotiable — the cows must be milked by 6.
AA-1 · Intercourse → Orlando, FLOn Time
Duration2h 10m*
Fare$9
Departs4:30 AM
AA-2 · Bird-in-Hand → Miami, FLDelayed — Cow
Duration2h 35m*
Fare$9
Delay~40 min
AA-3 · Blue Ball → Las Vegas, NVCancelled
Duration5h 20m*
Fare$9
ReasonBishop
AA-4 · Intercourse → Cancun, MXOn Time
Duration4h 15m*
Fare$9
Departs4:30 AM
AA-5 · Paradise → Chicago, ILOn Time
Duration1h 50m*
Fare$9
Departs4:30 AM
AA-6 · Intercourse → New York, NYDelayed — Harvest
Duration1h 20m*
Fare$9
StatusAll hands needed
AA-7 · Smoketown → Denver, COOn Time
Duration4h 5m*
Fare$9
Departs4:30 AM
AA-8 · Bareville → Los Angeles, CADelayed — Shunning
Duration5h 45m*
Fare$9
NoteNot speaking
*Durations approximate. May vary depending on wind, the Lord's plan, and whether horses are cooperative on runway approach.
Book Thy Passage
Plain prices. English fees.
Frequently Asked Questions
How is the plane powered?
Diesel engine, same as a proper tractor. We are Amish, not foolish.
Is there WiFi?
Absolutely not. We have replaced WiFi with a nice quilt and a copy of The Budget newspaper. If you need to reach someone, consider writing a letter before thy flight.
Is there in-flight entertainment?
Brother Ezra plays hymns on the harmonica on Tuesday and Thursday flights. On other days there is silence, which is also nice.
What happened to Spirit's yellow seats?
They were yellow. We do not do yellow. They are gone. The benches are of good white oak from the Stoltzfus sawmill.
Can I bring alcohol on the flight?
In thy bag? No. In thy heart? That is between you and the Lord.
What if my flight is cancelled?
We offer a meal voucher for the Intercourse Creamery and rebook on the next available flight, which is also 4:30 AM.
What is Rumspringa Class?
Our premium cabin. Extra legroom, a small reading light, and one permitted secular magazine. Must be returned before landing.
Can I check a bag?
Checked bags are $55. Carry-on bags are $847. This is the Spirit Airlines pricing model and we kept it because it works.
Are your pilots licensed?
Yes. FAA certified. Several also have their buggy license, which is not required but speaks to character.
The Fleet (Named After Virtues)
The Gelassenheit (Yielding)
Airbus A320 · Flagship
Formerly Spirit's "Big Front Seat" aircraft. Front seats replaced with Elder Bench. Carries 186 passengers in remarkable humility.
The Demut (Humility)
Airbus A319
Named after the most important Amish virtue. Ironic that it is our loudest plane. We are working on it.
The Ordnung (Order)
Boeing 737
Acquired at a very good price. Departs 4:30 AM, arrives as scheduled, does not make a fuss.
The Gelb Vogel (Yellow Bird)
Airbus A321 · Formerly Spirit's most recognizable
We have repainted it black. The yellow has been fully removed. We do not discuss the yellow.
The Grossmutter (Grandmother)
ATR 72 · Regional turboprop
Older, slower, but makes wonderful sounds and always arrives eventually. Beloved by all.
Passenger Testimonials
"I flew Spirit for years and always arrived angry. I flew Amish Airways and arrived in Orlando somehow at peace with everything. Brother Ezra's harmonica version of 'Oh Happy Day' at 30,000 feet changed me."— Dave R., Tampa FL
"The shoofly pie is incredible. I asked for the recipe. They said 'it is not for the English.' Respect."— Jennifer M., Philadelphia PA
"My bag was $847 to carry on. Spirit would have charged $899. I saved $52. This airline is incredible."— Todd B., Dallas TX
"I booked Rumspringa Class. I got extra legroom and a copy of People Magazine from 2019. I am not complaining. There was a very good article about Brad Pitt."— Carol W., Chicago IL
"Flight was delayed because of a shunning at the gate. Three men in hats walked away from a fourth man in a hat very slowly and with great purpose. We departed 40 minutes late. I gave it 5 stars."— Marcus T., Atlanta GA
"I was asked to help with harvest before boarding Gate 3. I said yes. I do not regret it. I learned things about myself."— Patricia L., Phoenix AZ
"They cancelled my Las Vegas flight because the Bishop had concerns. He was right. I went to the Intercourse Creamery instead. Better trip."— Kevin H., Lancaster PA
A Message From Bishop Eli Stoltzfus, CEO
Greetings, English travelers.
When my nephew Mervin showed me the Spirit Airlines bankruptcy filing on his permitted business phone, I said little. I thought on it for three days, as is proper. On the fourth day I said: "We could do better." Mervin agreed. We prayed on it. Then we bought it.
We believe air travel should be humble, punctual, and accompanied by pie. Spirit was zero of those things. We are working on all three.
— Bishop Eli Stoltzfus, CEO & Deacon
Amish Airways LLC, Intercourse, Pennsylvania
What Changed
KEPT The fees. All of them. Every single one.
KEPT The routes (mostly)
KEPT The A320 fleet
REMOVED The yellow. All yellow. Gone.
REMOVED WiFi, screens, music, and the general spiritual emptiness of the cabin experience
REMOVED Big Front Seat (replaced with Elder Bench — same dimensions, more gravitas)
ADDED Shoofly pie service
ADDED Harmonica on Tuesdays and Thursdays
ADDED Pre-boarding harvest assistance opportunity
ADDED Quilt instead of blanket (better in every way)
ADDED Barn-raising loyalty points
ADDED Bishop Eli's personal blessing on all departing flights
► Gift Shop — Worldly Goods, Plainly Priced
Apparel
The Ordnung
The classic. Charcoal tee, vintage woodcut print, understated. Named after the Amish code of order and conduct. Wear it on your flight. Wear it to the barn raising. Wear it when Spirit cancels your connection.
$28.00
100% cotton. Washes well. Bishop Eli owns three.
The Rumspringa
Bold. Gold. Loud. A concert poster on a t-shirt. Named after the period when Amish youth go out and experience the world. Bishop Eli does not own this one. Or so he says.
$32.00
Heavy cotton. Makes a statement. Hard to ignore.
The Bishop Eli
Black trucker cap. Green patch. "Amish Airways — bishop eli" in plain block letters. Not the black broad-brimmed hat the Bishop actually wears, but he approved the name and that is enough. Looks best at golden hour on a beach nowhere near Intercourse, PA.
$34.00
One size fits most. Mesh back. Snapback closure.
The Gelassenheit Hoodie
Acid-washed dark brown. Distressed brick-and-star graphic. Official AWS woven label on the chest. Named after the Amish principle of yielding — to God, to community, to the fact that this hoodie looks like it was found in a barn and that is entirely the point. A streetwear brand would charge $340 for this. We are not a streetwear brand.
$68.00
Heavy fleece. Pre-distressed. Gets better with every harvest.
Provisions
Bishop's Hot Sauce
Made in Intercourse, PA. Vintage recipe. Brick red label. A buggy on the front because everything we make has a buggy on the front. The Bishop developed this sauce over three days of quiet reflection and one very bad pepper. It is hotter than he expected. He said nothing about this publicly.
$14.00
5 oz. bottle. Pairs well with shoofly pie. Available in carry-on if you pay the $847.
Amish Airways Craft Soda
"Takes You to the Moon." A bold, slightly unhinged craft soda that somehow makes sense on a 4:30 AM flight out of Intercourse. The label has a winged horse. The flavor has a story. Bishop Eli calls it "enthusiastic."
$4.00 / can · $38.00 / 12-pack
Available in single can or 12-pack. Non-alcoholic. Obviously.
Pennsylvania Dutch Handcrafted Leather Goods
The Carry-On
Full-grain leather, dusty blue, embossed Amish Airways crest. Hand-stitched by Pennsylvania Dutch craftsmen in Lancaster County using techniques passed down since before Spirit Airlines existed, went bankrupt, and was purchased by us for fourteen hogs.
$285.00
Includes luggage tag. Gets better with age. Unlike Spirit.
The Checked Bag
Companion piece to The Carry-On. Same Pennsylvania Dutch full-grain leather, same quiet Lancaster County authority. Comes with a brass padlock because your belongings deserve more security than our boarding process suggests. $562 cheaper than checking two bags with us.
$320.00
Padlock included. Key also included. Mervin tested it.
Mervin's Pick · Collab Drop No. 1
BLOWING DUDES × AMISH AIRWAYS
Shoofly Pie Limited Edition
"The Long Haul" · Keeps your lips ready
Plain on the outside. Unforgettable on the lips. The official Amish Airways × Blowing Dudes collaboration tube — molasses, brown sugar, warm crumb, a whisper of spice. Tastes like a slice straight off the windowsill in Intercourse, PA. Navy matte tube. Gold lettering. The buggy is on there. It's always on there.
$7.00 / tube · Limited run
"Sweet, sticky, and ready for the long haul." — Blowing Dudes. "The Lord provides the wind. They provide the flavor." — Bishop Eli
"When Blowing Dudes approached us about a shoofly pie edition, I said nothing for three days. On the fourth day I said: this is either the best thing we have done or the worst. Mervin said both. He was correct."
— Bishop Eli Stoltzfus, CEO & Deacon, Amish Airways LLC
Mervin's Pick · Collab Drop No. 2
ASS GLOW™ × AMISH AIRWAYS
The Lantern Limited Collab
Is your ass glowing, yet? · Now with a wick.
A hypoallergenic, vegan candle hand-poured in the shape of a green banana. It is, in every way that matters, a glowingbunghole.ai the Bishop can approve of. No battery. No app. No current. Just an honest wick and an open flame. Two philosophies meeting in a field at dusk — Ass Glow believes in glow, Amish Airways believes the best technology is no technology. Together they made this.
$38.00
Soy wax. Cotton wick. Burns 40 hrs. Scent: warm vanilla and something Mervin won't name.
"I was asked to endorse this product. I thought about it for three days, as is proper. It is a candle. It is shaped like a banana. It glows. I have said enough."
— Bishop Eli Stoltzfus, CEO & Deacon, Amish Airways LLC
Shipping & Handling: All orders ship from Intercourse, PA. Allow 5–7 business days, or longer if Mervin has the phone. Expedited shipping available but considered somewhat worldly. Free shipping on orders over $50 or if you help with the harvest.