~*~ AMISH AIRWAYS ~*~ Formerly Spirit Airlines

♦ WELCOME TO AMISH AIRWAYS ♦

♦ GREETINGS, ENGLISH! ♦

Welcome to AMISH AIRWAYS, the world's most humble airline. We are formerly Spirit Airlines, acquired in 2024 by the Yoder Family Holdings LLC of Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, after Spirit's fourth bankruptcy in six years.

Bishop Eli Stoltzfus saw the Spirit deal on a non-electric notice board at the Intercourse Feed & Grain and said, and we quote: "Well. Seems reasonable." The acquisition was completed in exchange for fourteen hogs, two quilts, and a very nice pie.

We have kept everything that made Spirit great and removed everything that made Spirit Spirit. The yellow seats are gone. The hidden fees remain — we are humble, not stupid.

♦ WHAT'S NEW AT AMISH AIRWAYS ♦

NEW: Hand-stitched safety demonstration quilts now available in all cabins
NEW: In-flight shoofly pie service on all routes over 2 hours
NEW: Barn-raising points loyalty program — earn enough and we build you a barn
NEW: All pilots now wearing traditional black hats. Aviation headsets optional
NOTICE: Flight attendants will not answer to "flight attendant." Please say "Schwester" or "Bruder"
NOTICE: The overhead bins have been replaced with pegs. Please hang thy belongings accordingly
COMING SOON: Rumspringa Class — temporarily sinful premium seating

► OUR ROUTES ►

Current Destinations (God Willing)

All flights depart from Intercourse Municipal Airfield, Intercourse PA (airport code: NTWY)

Flight	From	To	Duration	Fare	Status
AA-1	Intercourse, PA	Orlando, FL	2h 10m*	$9	On Time
AA-2	Bird-in-Hand, PA	Miami, FL	2h 35m*	$9	Delayed - Cow
AA-3	Blue Ball, PA	Las Vegas, NV	5h 20m*	$9	Cancelled - Bishop
AA-4	Intercourse, PA	Cancun, MX	4h 15m*	$9	On Time
AA-5	Paradise, PA	Chicago, IL	1h 50m*	$9	On Time
AA-6	Intercourse, PA	New York, NY	1h 20m*	$9	Delayed - Harvest
AA-7	Smoketown, PA	Denver, CO	4h 5m*	$9	On Time
AA-8	Bareville, PA	Los Angeles, CA	5h 45m*	$9	Delayed - Shunning

*Durations approximate. May vary depending on wind, the Lord's plan, and whether the horses are cooperative on the runway approach.

IMPORTANT: All flights depart at 4:30 AM. This is non-negotiable. The cows must be milked by 6.

► BOOK A FLIGHT ►

Book Thy Passage (Plain prices, English fees) From: To: Departure Date: Number of Passengers: Seat Class: Carry-on Bag ($847 fee): Would you like to help with the harvest before boarding?

► FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ►

We answer thy questions, English.

Q: How is the plane powered?

A: Diesel engine, same as a proper tractor. We are Amish, not foolish.

Q: Is there WiFi?

A: Absolutely not. We have replaced WiFi with a nice quilt and a copy of The Budget newspaper. If you need to reach someone, perhaps consider writing a letter before thy flight.

Q: Is there in-flight entertainment?

A: Brother Ezra plays hymns on the harmonica on Tuesday and Thursday flights. On other days there is silence, which is also nice.

Q: What happened to Spirit's yellow seats?

A: They were yellow. We do not do yellow. They are gone. The benches are of good white oak from the Stoltzfus sawmill.

Q: Are flights on time?

A: More often than Spirit, so yes. Occasionally delayed for harvest, barn raisings, or if the Bishop has concerns about a destination.

Q: Can I bring alcohol on the flight?

A: In thy bag? No. In thy heart? That is between you and the Lord.

Q: What is Rumspringa Class?

A: Our premium cabin. Extra legroom, a small reading light, and one (1) permitted secular magazine. Must be returned before landing.

Q: What if my flight is cancelled?

A: We will offer thee a meal voucher for the Intercourse Creamery and rebook on the next available flight, which is also 4:30 AM.

Q: Can I check a bag?

A: Checked bags are $55. Carry-on bags are $847. A questioning look from the gate agent is free. This is the Spirit Airlines pricing model and we kept it because it works.

Q: Are your pilots licensed?

A: Yes. FAA certified. Several also have their buggy license, which is not required but speaks to character.

► THE FLEET ►

Our Aircraft (Named After Virtues)

► The Gelassenheit (Yielding) — Airbus A320

Our flagship. Formerly Spirit's "Big Front Seat" aircraft. Front seats replaced with Elder Bench. Carries 186 passengers in remarkable humility.

► The Demut (Humility) — Airbus A319

Mid-range workhorse. Named after the most important Amish virtue. Ironic that it is our loudest plane. We are working on it.

► The Ordnung (Order) — Boeing 737

Acquired at a very good price. The Ordnung runs like clockwork. Departs 4:30 AM, arrives as scheduled, does not make a fuss.

► The Gelb Vogel (Yellow Bird) — Airbus A321

Formerly Spirit's most recognizable aircraft. We have repainted it black. The yellow has been fully removed. We do not discuss the yellow.

► The Grossmutter (Grandmother) — ATR 72

Our regional turboprop. Older, slower, but makes wonderful sounds and always arrives eventually. Beloved by all.

► PASSENGER TESTIMONIALS ►

"I flew Spirit for years and always arrived angry. I flew Amish Airways and arrived in Orlando somehow at peace with everything. Brother Ezra's harmonica version of 'Oh Happy Day' at 30,000 feet changed me."
— Dave R., Tampa FL

"The shoofly pie is incredible. I asked for the recipe. They said 'it is not for the English.' Respect."
— Jennifer M., Philadelphia PA

"My bag was $847 to carry on. Spirit would have charged $899. I saved $52. This airline is incredible."
— Todd B., Dallas TX

"I booked Rumspringa Class. I got extra legroom and a copy of People Magazine from 2019. I am not complaining. There was a very good article about Brad Pitt."
— Carol W., Chicago IL

"Flight was delayed because of a shunning at the gate. I'm not sure what happened but three men in hats walked away from a fourth man in a hat very slowly and with great purpose. We departed 40 minutes late. I gave it 5 stars."
— Marcus T., Atlanta GA

"I was asked to help with harvest before boarding Gate 3. I said yes. I do not regret it. I learned things about myself."
— Patricia L., Phoenix AZ

"They cancelled my Las Vegas flight because the Bishop had concerns. He was right. I went to the Intercourse Creamery instead. Better trip."
— Kevin H., Lancaster PA

► THE SPIRIT TRANSITION ►

A Message from Bishop Eli Stoltzfus, CEO

Greetings, English travelers.

When my nephew Mervin showed me the Spirit Airlines bankruptcy filing on his permitted business phone, I said little. I thought on it for three days, as is proper. On the fourth day I said: "We could do better." Mervin agreed. We prayed on it. Then we bought it.

We have made the following changes to the Spirit Airlines experience:

KEPT: The fees. All of them. Every single one.
KEPT: The routes (mostly)
KEPT: The A320 fleet
REMOVED: The yellow. All yellow. Gone.
REMOVED: WiFi, screens, music, and the general spiritual emptiness of the cabin experience
REMOVED: The Big Front Seat (replaced with Elder Bench, same dimensions, more gravitas)
ADDED: Shoofly pie service
ADDED: Harmonica on Tuesdays and Thursdays
ADDED: Pre-boarding harvest assistance opportunity
ADDED: Quilt instead of blanket (better in every way)
ADDED: Barn-raising loyalty points
ADDED: Bishop Eli's personal blessing on all departing flights

We believe air travel should be humble, punctual, and accompanied by pie. Spirit was zero of those things. We are working on all three.

— Bishop Eli Stoltzfus, CEO & Deacon
Amish Airways LLC
Intercourse, Pennsylvania

► SIGN MY GUESTBOOK ►